What do men want sexually? A big question. Many women feel their communication often fails when it comes to sex because so many men don’t talk openly about their desires. So we went out and spoke with men who were willing to talk.
Despite myths to the contrary, all men are not the same, as is evident from the variety of responses we got to our questions. However, there are some commonalities in what they want. In general, men want a partner who is interested in sex as much as they are… a woman who shows her interest by initiating sexual activity and by coming up with new ways to explore sex.
The woman initiating sex - at least now and then - is extremely important to most men because it tells them they have an equally interested partner, not someone just going along with the ride or having sex out of obligation. A woman using creativity in her approach to sex is also desirable; it makes a man feel that she cares enough to share the "work" of sex.
Men are very much into satisfying their partners. They want to make a woman feel as good as possible. Your movements, your sounds and your words let your partner know he is making you happy and doing a good job. While it's true that men are into looks - after all, men are very visual creatures - sensitivity, commitment, assertiveness, and good communication are also high on their lists of attractive qualities.
Here’s what some of the men we spoke to said:
“I look for honesty and open communication. I want to be able to say what I want to say and expect that back from my partner.”
“At this point in my life, I'm looking for a commitment. Basically, I'm looking for a relationship that's going to lead to a serious commitment that's going to lead to marriage.”
“Excitement, steadfastness, flexibility, love.”
“I like being romantic, because when I'm romantic, Diane really responds.”
“A quick relationship sexually is like a shallow well. I'd rather dig deep and get to know a woman.”
“She has to be smart, she has to know what she's about, and she has to know what she wants. I go for very intelligent. Very intelligent women are usually my choice because they seem to know a little bit more about what's going on.”
“I find the most appealing thing to me in a relationship is the care that's there between two partners. The sensitivity about feelings and companionship... being together.”
“I'd say initiation on their part I find very attractive.”
“I like a self-assertive woman, you know... aggressiveness. That gives me reassurance that she wants me.”
“I like it when she takes me out on a date, you know. When a woman finally takes you out on a date...be in charge, I like that.”
“When a woman wants you too much and shows it right away, sometimes it takes that feeling of a challenge away. So if she's too sexually assertive too soon, sometimes it makes you back off a little.”
“A little bit of inventiveness.”
“Sex in the shower can be really hot. You take a shower in the morning with your partner and just start fucking.
“I love being seduced, because Anna is really good at it.”
“My wife is the best seductress in the world. She likes to play these little games. And I know a few, too!”
The best way to know for sure what your man wants is to ask him. Does he like this position or that? Does he like it best when you act this way or that way, or even both ways? Does he like new things all the time, or just once in a while? How far is he comfortable going? How far are you comfortable?
The following stories are meant to help you start such conversations, and give you ideas for new things to try. In the first one, you’ll see how much Tina’s husband loves it when she gets creative…